today was seriously a great day. my cousins came back to spend the weekend with us before going back to boston, so i’ve been spending time with my cousin and aunt. 

also all my hakuouki stuff that i ordered finally came today so i was happy.

but that aside, i spent all day with my cousin monica and my aunt  sharon, and i love them both a lot. seriously, i think my aunt is so insanely awesome and fun and smart and pretty and just.. i really really love her and look up to her so much, and she always does nice things for me like, when we go out she won’t let me pay for my own clothes or anything like that, and she tells me what looks good and what doesn’t, and she hasn’t said one mean thing to me this entire time. she hasn’t called me fat, she hasn’t criticized me for wearing eye liner, or anything at all. so i want to believe so badly that she loves me as much as i love her but

i can’t. i just can’t. i’m so afraid she’s going to go home and talk about me behind my back again to my other aunt or to my cousins and it just really hurts. 

no one understands how much i really want her to love me; i look up to her so much and it’s just not fair that she doesn’t love me, even though she’s my aunt and of all their siblings, my dad and her are the closest. i just really want her to love me as her brother’s daughter you know and i’m afraid she won’t ever love me that much because i know she loves my brother more than me because he looks just like my dad. 

it seriously hurts so much like i just really want her to like me and i don’t know what to do to make her like me and just

ugh

it hurts.